DAILY REPORT: Monday, May 8

I knew these would not be daily.

Well, Xander had his first Speech Therapy on Friday. It went so well! She seems super nice and he behaved so well. He of course was super shy at first like he is always with new people. So I had her just talk to me for a while I did a few things around the house. Then I had her start working with him right away in his hich ghair. I want to make sure he knows right from the start that when she is there, she is to work with him and he is to be a good little boy and not run crazy like he does all day. Let us put it this way, there is no way I could ever get him to work in his chair for that long. I let them work together and I just did stuff with Timmy. But then from time to time I would go and sit with them. She was teaching him to play with a doll, to work on imitation. He clearly did not think she should hold the doll and would only let me hold the doll. I guess he knows I am the mommy and I should have the baby. It was so sweet.

Timmy did great during one of his Occupational Theraphy and great in his Physical Therapies. We are working so hard to have him walking within the month. I had originally said two but I want him to walk before his PT goes on maternity leave.

I had a huge disappointment this weekend. I came downstairs on Saturday afternoon to find that our "gardener" had CHOPPED the garden down to nothing. I don't even think it could constitute as pruning. I started to cry. It is so awful. We have a whole wall of ferns along the fence and what did he do? He chopped them in half. WHY? Then there was a tree and now it is half a tree. I talked to the other apartment dwellers in our little complex and two of them are just as upset as me. I had worked quite a bit in the garden this fall/winter and had just started again a couple of weeks ago. And now, I am just so discouraged that I am not sure when I can bring myself to go back in there. Oh and he trampled on all the plants getting to these other plants he meant to massacre. Pfft Pfft Pfft.

I despise being so broke. It is not even mid-month and I am already stressed about making it to month's end. I have to write the rent check tomorrow. My tummy is already in knots. I just want to say for the record, I have been excellent about not shopping for months now. I got the boys a couple t-shirts at Target today and some nice smelly soaps at Marshall's yesterday but I did not spend then more than $25.00 combined.

You should see this apartment right now. The dining table and all around it, is covered with boxes and bags waiting to go to our almost full storage unit. All this stuff is left over from my Twin Club's Easter party. I can't even believed I have to hold this stuff until next year. But at least it is getting out of this apartment because I could use the space.

I have been having a hard time emotionally the past week or so. I feel so trapped living in this tiny apartment. It is also so hard to get out with the boys some days. I would not change it for the world. The problem is that I feel totally lost. The me, before I moved to Southern California, is gone and I have not found out who this new me is and what that means.